We're going!!
he he - yey.
At the moment it's just Laura and me, but I don't mind if it is just the two of us. It's gonna be a good break. Hope the weather is good!
yey
*bounces around*
Oh, and if you don't know what it is, it's a week at Shepton Mallet for 20+ run by Soul Survivor. And if people want to go to Passion - it's the same week and they can camp with us because all the cafe's and stuff and campsites are shared - yey. www.soulsurvivor.com/uk
Whooo
Thursday, March 31, 2005
Saturday, March 26, 2005
Torn
Haven't posted in a while.
Guess I've taken it for granted having 24/7 access at college. Doesn't seem to be time at home when we're all fighting for a turn!
Haven't even been to the forum. That used to be one of life's priorities for me. Whenever I did anything I had to go online to see if Paul or Mark or someone had messaged me. Like a lifeline almost. A contact with people, outside of my family, who thought I was ok and who I knew, although sometimes doubted, cared for me.
As I have come to have a more secure opinion of myself through God, that need and desire seems to have faded. I still eagerly check my inbox for messages from people. Although, I think I need to send more to my friends before I can expect stuff back!
I very much enjoyed Fridays last night. Not for the content, although I've nothing but positive about it, and what I saw of it looked fab. But it was the sense of belonging. As soon as I stepped through the door it felt like my teritory. A place and space I have missed. I enjoyed commanding/encouraging everyone to get out of the pews and to join everyone else. I enjoyed running around helping out. I enjoyed sneaking in to being part of the team. It was so great to see everyone.
Maybe it's just because I haven't found that community of people in York yet, but I just so want to be back with this community.
Oh and btw, we forumites are planning to take over. One day, in years to come, we are going to control NYFC. That's both an exciting and inspirational thought. A challenge. I don't mind if we don't make it though. It's a goal to aspire to, a goal in which I believe the journey of self discovery and development for us all is much more important. And for us to seek to be closer to God.
Will blog about my week on placement at some point.
Easter blessings to you all.
Guess I've taken it for granted having 24/7 access at college. Doesn't seem to be time at home when we're all fighting for a turn!
Haven't even been to the forum. That used to be one of life's priorities for me. Whenever I did anything I had to go online to see if Paul or Mark or someone had messaged me. Like a lifeline almost. A contact with people, outside of my family, who thought I was ok and who I knew, although sometimes doubted, cared for me.
As I have come to have a more secure opinion of myself through God, that need and desire seems to have faded. I still eagerly check my inbox for messages from people. Although, I think I need to send more to my friends before I can expect stuff back!
I very much enjoyed Fridays last night. Not for the content, although I've nothing but positive about it, and what I saw of it looked fab. But it was the sense of belonging. As soon as I stepped through the door it felt like my teritory. A place and space I have missed. I enjoyed commanding/encouraging everyone to get out of the pews and to join everyone else. I enjoyed running around helping out. I enjoyed sneaking in to being part of the team. It was so great to see everyone.
Maybe it's just because I haven't found that community of people in York yet, but I just so want to be back with this community.
Oh and btw, we forumites are planning to take over. One day, in years to come, we are going to control NYFC. That's both an exciting and inspirational thought. A challenge. I don't mind if we don't make it though. It's a goal to aspire to, a goal in which I believe the journey of self discovery and development for us all is much more important. And for us to seek to be closer to God.
Will blog about my week on placement at some point.
Easter blessings to you all.
Sunday, March 13, 2005
The Rock
Well I guess it would be good to post about The Rock this morning.
At the moment my over-riding thought/emotion is confusion!
I was expecting a modern building, but it had pillars and stuff and was pretty old. There were middle-aged, and elderly gentlemen in the car park who showed me where I could lock my bike. That encouraged me that it wouldn't be all young people!
I was warmly welcomed by a young woman who took me through the church (which looked remarkably like york baptist church across the road, and in fact, pretty much like a lot of churches I've been in!) and through to the back where there was a cafe style place. It looked quite modern and recently done. The woman introduced me to some people and gave me a free drinks voucher (they charge considerably for drinks!!) as it was my first time. I ordered an orange juice and sat down. I felt very shy and the conversation was quite limited. I suddenly realised that I probably should be asking them questions too and not just answering theirs!
Anyway, that went on for 45 mins and then we all went back into the church. I sat with these people I met in the middle. The church is wider than it is long so you get a pretty good view wherever you sit. I realised at this point I should have asked if the tea and coffee was fair trade but I forgot. There seemed to be quite a mix of ages, but predominantly young people.
Now the front of that church was interesting. It was a complete proper stage (they have a dance academy too) with a sheet of black from the ceiling covered in lights like stars. From the floor to the balcony was a white sheet covered in the same kind of lights, but which also had spot lights in blue and pink shining down. Then I realised there was a complete light system going on! There was a big screen in the middle like we have at Fridays, and then the band took up the whole stage. This is where alarm bells started going off as I remembered a conversation with an old pastor who talked to me about the significance of the placing of things at the front of the Baptist church we were at. In the Baptist church, the pulpit was raised in the middle of the stage because of the centrality of the Bible teaching to our lives, below it was the table for communion, and to the side would be the musicians. I don't know whether it's me being 'traditional' or whatever, but that makes sense to me.
I don't like the band being centre stage as it leads to band worship. As in worshipping the band.
As the service started the musicians came on and this included six singers with hand held microphones. Everyone in the band had lots of makeup and looked really dressed up. I thought uh oh, this is really starting to look like a performance. I don't like it when people when lots of makeup. It makes me think they're insecure in how they look. I think it can make others who don't look so perfect feel unworthy. Then they started singing. One bloke, in a kind of gospel style but not quite. Then the other singers joined in, dancing around and really getting into it. There were at least two guys running around with cameras so that shots of the singers and band could be shown on the screen behind the words. Eventually it got to bits where the congregation could join in. I found it all very distracting, but when we got to songs I knew I shut my eyes and really met with God. The noise was so loud with people singing and enjoying themselves, you could just groove. But I struggled when I had to open my eyes to read the words. The whole thing felt like a performance. People clapped after each song - fine if their clapping God, but people shouted out well done to the singers and stuff!
I enjoyed the way they embraced the Holy Spirit and people spontaneously prayed. They certainly believed in the power of God to heal and stuff today. The talk was very challenging and appropriate. Talking about leaning on God and his understanding, not our own. Might blog more about it tomorrow. I couldn't write down the stuff he was saying fast enough!
The leader guy kept going on about this church being the best church ever. Not the only church, but the best. That annoyed me a bit. They don't seem to be in to doing things with other churches, but they kept saying, 'anyway we can serve you, let us know!' We served ourselves communion at the front. No one quite explained what it was.
I chatted to some people afterwards and asked about the work they do in the community. Not much was the answer. They do a drop in for the homeless a number of afternoons. She didn't seem to want to talk about community.
I then had an amazing talk with an older guy from Cyprus. He's been there 21 years and seen it change from a church were no one was welcomed, and now he actively encourages the younger people to welcome people. We agreed that it gives such an awful impression not to be welcoming. What does that say to non-Christians? I really enjoyed my chat with him. He kept squeezing my arm and was very enthusiastic. He seemed genuinely nice and interested. We talked about the importance of being routed in a church and stuff. I mentioned that I found the worship a bit showy. He didn't answer directly, just said something vague about not everything suiting everybody and you have to make allowences for some things. I guess he's right to a certain extent. So what if they're not doing much with the community - that's something we can sort out. So what if they're not using fair trade stuff - we can sort that.
But I just don't know. I think I'll try Kings the week I get back after Easter. Then I'll try The Rock again.
At the moment my over-riding thought/emotion is confusion!
I was expecting a modern building, but it had pillars and stuff and was pretty old. There were middle-aged, and elderly gentlemen in the car park who showed me where I could lock my bike. That encouraged me that it wouldn't be all young people!
I was warmly welcomed by a young woman who took me through the church (which looked remarkably like york baptist church across the road, and in fact, pretty much like a lot of churches I've been in!) and through to the back where there was a cafe style place. It looked quite modern and recently done. The woman introduced me to some people and gave me a free drinks voucher (they charge considerably for drinks!!) as it was my first time. I ordered an orange juice and sat down. I felt very shy and the conversation was quite limited. I suddenly realised that I probably should be asking them questions too and not just answering theirs!
Anyway, that went on for 45 mins and then we all went back into the church. I sat with these people I met in the middle. The church is wider than it is long so you get a pretty good view wherever you sit. I realised at this point I should have asked if the tea and coffee was fair trade but I forgot. There seemed to be quite a mix of ages, but predominantly young people.
Now the front of that church was interesting. It was a complete proper stage (they have a dance academy too) with a sheet of black from the ceiling covered in lights like stars. From the floor to the balcony was a white sheet covered in the same kind of lights, but which also had spot lights in blue and pink shining down. Then I realised there was a complete light system going on! There was a big screen in the middle like we have at Fridays, and then the band took up the whole stage. This is where alarm bells started going off as I remembered a conversation with an old pastor who talked to me about the significance of the placing of things at the front of the Baptist church we were at. In the Baptist church, the pulpit was raised in the middle of the stage because of the centrality of the Bible teaching to our lives, below it was the table for communion, and to the side would be the musicians. I don't know whether it's me being 'traditional' or whatever, but that makes sense to me.
I don't like the band being centre stage as it leads to band worship. As in worshipping the band.
As the service started the musicians came on and this included six singers with hand held microphones. Everyone in the band had lots of makeup and looked really dressed up. I thought uh oh, this is really starting to look like a performance. I don't like it when people when lots of makeup. It makes me think they're insecure in how they look. I think it can make others who don't look so perfect feel unworthy. Then they started singing. One bloke, in a kind of gospel style but not quite. Then the other singers joined in, dancing around and really getting into it. There were at least two guys running around with cameras so that shots of the singers and band could be shown on the screen behind the words. Eventually it got to bits where the congregation could join in. I found it all very distracting, but when we got to songs I knew I shut my eyes and really met with God. The noise was so loud with people singing and enjoying themselves, you could just groove. But I struggled when I had to open my eyes to read the words. The whole thing felt like a performance. People clapped after each song - fine if their clapping God, but people shouted out well done to the singers and stuff!
I enjoyed the way they embraced the Holy Spirit and people spontaneously prayed. They certainly believed in the power of God to heal and stuff today. The talk was very challenging and appropriate. Talking about leaning on God and his understanding, not our own. Might blog more about it tomorrow. I couldn't write down the stuff he was saying fast enough!
The leader guy kept going on about this church being the best church ever. Not the only church, but the best. That annoyed me a bit. They don't seem to be in to doing things with other churches, but they kept saying, 'anyway we can serve you, let us know!' We served ourselves communion at the front. No one quite explained what it was.
I chatted to some people afterwards and asked about the work they do in the community. Not much was the answer. They do a drop in for the homeless a number of afternoons. She didn't seem to want to talk about community.
I then had an amazing talk with an older guy from Cyprus. He's been there 21 years and seen it change from a church were no one was welcomed, and now he actively encourages the younger people to welcome people. We agreed that it gives such an awful impression not to be welcoming. What does that say to non-Christians? I really enjoyed my chat with him. He kept squeezing my arm and was very enthusiastic. He seemed genuinely nice and interested. We talked about the importance of being routed in a church and stuff. I mentioned that I found the worship a bit showy. He didn't answer directly, just said something vague about not everything suiting everybody and you have to make allowences for some things. I guess he's right to a certain extent. So what if they're not doing much with the community - that's something we can sort out. So what if they're not using fair trade stuff - we can sort that.
But I just don't know. I think I'll try Kings the week I get back after Easter. Then I'll try The Rock again.
Chocolat
Have just watched Chocolat - and no not just to see Jonny Depp - I didn't realise he was in it!
It's a film that people have mentioned to me before and recommended watching - so since I'm on a free trial thingy I thought I would!
I enjoyed it and I think it speaks powerfully about exclusion and being too stuck up our own noses to help people. Unfortunately it puts the church in a bad light. It makes it appear domineering and exclusive and as though Christians have no thought for others other than to make themselves look better. The priest geezer did shine through at the end though. He knew what he was talking about, he was just overpowered by the mayor.
It made me think about how I view others. Do I just look down from my high moral horse at the pitiful people around me, or do I refuse to let that stop me from helping others? Or do I have that in my mind as I help others? What are my priorities?
The film shows how cruel people can be emotionally and psychologically. How unwelcome and uncomfortable we can make new people, or different people feel. In fact that reminds me of one of my housemates today. She came in crying after a tiff with her boyfriend. Don't think I've ever heard someone cry so violently! She knows that her problems come from devoting all of herself to him, from being completely dependent on him. She also knows that she needs to socialise more and make more friends than just her housemates. But she refuses to. She doesn't like making friends. Therefore she's not going to. She said she only made friends with us because she was forced into the situation. (hmm.. that's actually quite insulting. Didn't think of that.) When people come round our house that she doesn't know, she completely gives them the cold shoulder and is insistant that they don't like her.
It makes me sad. I don't really know how to help except listen and pray. But God's a big guy!
It's a film that people have mentioned to me before and recommended watching - so since I'm on a free trial thingy I thought I would!
I enjoyed it and I think it speaks powerfully about exclusion and being too stuck up our own noses to help people. Unfortunately it puts the church in a bad light. It makes it appear domineering and exclusive and as though Christians have no thought for others other than to make themselves look better. The priest geezer did shine through at the end though. He knew what he was talking about, he was just overpowered by the mayor.
It made me think about how I view others. Do I just look down from my high moral horse at the pitiful people around me, or do I refuse to let that stop me from helping others? Or do I have that in my mind as I help others? What are my priorities?
The film shows how cruel people can be emotionally and psychologically. How unwelcome and uncomfortable we can make new people, or different people feel. In fact that reminds me of one of my housemates today. She came in crying after a tiff with her boyfriend. Don't think I've ever heard someone cry so violently! She knows that her problems come from devoting all of herself to him, from being completely dependent on him. She also knows that she needs to socialise more and make more friends than just her housemates. But she refuses to. She doesn't like making friends. Therefore she's not going to. She said she only made friends with us because she was forced into the situation. (hmm.. that's actually quite insulting. Didn't think of that.) When people come round our house that she doesn't know, she completely gives them the cold shoulder and is insistant that they don't like her.
It makes me sad. I don't really know how to help except listen and pray. But God's a big guy!
Drunkeness
Well this eve has been the first time I've had to deal with completely drunk housemates who've been sick! Nice. Actually wasn't too bad.
Started with a water fight - thankfully avoided getting wet!
And finished in tears and sick - lovely.
I guess it's what friends do for friends. Although I think one housemate is still in disbelief that we could quite happily hold her hair up and hug her while she was being sick. 'I'm so glad I got in this house with you guys!' she exclaimed a number of times. I just hope she'd do the same for us!
It's been partly quite funny, but also quite sad. They're so upset in their lives. So unhappy with themselves. Lord, please just work in their hearts.
Started with a water fight - thankfully avoided getting wet!
And finished in tears and sick - lovely.
I guess it's what friends do for friends. Although I think one housemate is still in disbelief that we could quite happily hold her hair up and hug her while she was being sick. 'I'm so glad I got in this house with you guys!' she exclaimed a number of times. I just hope she'd do the same for us!
It's been partly quite funny, but also quite sad. They're so upset in their lives. So unhappy with themselves. Lord, please just work in their hearts.
Thursday, March 10, 2005
Lost
Feeling a little lost today.
In class we were doing role play which has been fine so far, but today I just couldn't do it. I was overcome with nerves and completely self conscious. I struggled to fight through it. It felt like I'd taken some steps back, or was it the concern that the happy 'I can do anything Helen' face that I put on was just that. A face. A mask that I've been hiding behind, or can I really be that Helen?
I also feel a bit lost because I haven't seen my closest friend at uni properly for the last few weeks. I haven't had a big heart to heart with anyone about how things are going.
Also lost due to church. I'm increasingly realising that where I was, was not for me. I was kidding myself. I've learnt more from Hotel Rwanda and reading my friend Carl's blog than I have from church since I started uni. I know all about the don't just complain - do something about it, but that church was so big, it would take me the 3 years of uni to get far enough in for my ideas to be listened to.
Problem is I haven't found another church. I'd like a church that is concerned with community around it, that is committed to giving fair trade a go, that is in touch with today, that takes an active part in ministry both her here and abroad. A church I could bring my friends to.
Gonna try out The Rock on Sunday http://www.rockchurch.org.uk/ have heard mostly negative reports about it being like a performance, so am gonna check it out for myself.
Best thing about today was finding my wallet and discovering a 7 pack of salt and vinegar hula hoops at ASDA. Usually you can only get mixed packs which is pointless for the likes of me who don't like all the flavours. I was literally skipping round the store :D
In class we were doing role play which has been fine so far, but today I just couldn't do it. I was overcome with nerves and completely self conscious. I struggled to fight through it. It felt like I'd taken some steps back, or was it the concern that the happy 'I can do anything Helen' face that I put on was just that. A face. A mask that I've been hiding behind, or can I really be that Helen?
I also feel a bit lost because I haven't seen my closest friend at uni properly for the last few weeks. I haven't had a big heart to heart with anyone about how things are going.
Also lost due to church. I'm increasingly realising that where I was, was not for me. I was kidding myself. I've learnt more from Hotel Rwanda and reading my friend Carl's blog than I have from church since I started uni. I know all about the don't just complain - do something about it, but that church was so big, it would take me the 3 years of uni to get far enough in for my ideas to be listened to.
Problem is I haven't found another church. I'd like a church that is concerned with community around it, that is committed to giving fair trade a go, that is in touch with today, that takes an active part in ministry both her here and abroad. A church I could bring my friends to.
Gonna try out The Rock on Sunday http://www.rockchurch.org.uk/ have heard mostly negative reports about it being like a performance, so am gonna check it out for myself.
Best thing about today was finding my wallet and discovering a 7 pack of salt and vinegar hula hoops at ASDA. Usually you can only get mixed packs which is pointless for the likes of me who don't like all the flavours. I was literally skipping round the store :D
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
Hotel Rwanda
Wow.
At the moment I am speechless along with tear stained cheeks.
Can't really think of the most appropriate words to describe the film. I think it's the most I've cried in watching any film so far. Not only was it a true story, but also a reminder of what goes on in the world today.
Don't go and see it if you want a nice cosy night out. Go and see it if you want your senses woken and your passion stirred.
The thing is, how do you respond to it?
At one point in the film a camera man had filmed the local people being brutely (sp?) murdered and beaten. This was to be shown to the world. The main guy, although deeply upset by the footage desparately wanted it to be shown because then maybe people would come to help. To which the cameraman replied that no, they would say, 'oh my God that's awful' and then carry on eating their dinner.
Is that not so true? Does it not touch a nerve to realise that you do that?
We don't have to live in constant fear of our lives. How would you cope in that situation? Or would you rather not think about that?
Hmm... think that's all I can write for now.
At the moment I am speechless along with tear stained cheeks.
Can't really think of the most appropriate words to describe the film. I think it's the most I've cried in watching any film so far. Not only was it a true story, but also a reminder of what goes on in the world today.
Don't go and see it if you want a nice cosy night out. Go and see it if you want your senses woken and your passion stirred.
The thing is, how do you respond to it?
At one point in the film a camera man had filmed the local people being brutely (sp?) murdered and beaten. This was to be shown to the world. The main guy, although deeply upset by the footage desparately wanted it to be shown because then maybe people would come to help. To which the cameraman replied that no, they would say, 'oh my God that's awful' and then carry on eating their dinner.
Is that not so true? Does it not touch a nerve to realise that you do that?
We don't have to live in constant fear of our lives. How would you cope in that situation? Or would you rather not think about that?
Hmm... think that's all I can write for now.
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
Frustration
I have a number of frustrations at the moment.
Firstly, the cleaner is in the house. Usually I'm at a lecture (study day today) so I don't hear her or even see her, but today I can hear her and don't want to leave my room til she's gone! Our house isn't in an awful state. It could just be cleaner. We have no consistency in our cleanliness, sometimes it's really clean (particularly if it's a housemates 'time of the month') and sometimes there is ice cream stuck hard on the surfaces and lots of pots.
At the moment it sounds like the cleaner is sawing something in our kitchen. I just hate having someone in the house that isn't one of us or one of our friends. Makes me feel so uncomfortable. A number of times I've stopped and talked to her, but I don't like her cleaning up my mess.
Another frustration is my Spring Harvest application form being lost in the post. Maybe it's not right for me to help at it, but it would have been nice. Jolly postal system. Not so worried about my CRB results form being in it any more as I'm having another one done for my new job. It throws my plans for Easter in the air, so I'm unclear as to how long to go home for now. Who knows, maybe they'll get the form in the next few days....
A third frustration is the 3mile distance from my house to the offices of my new job. When I'm working it won't be at the offices so it won't matter so much, but I've got to go and take some ID for my CRB form, and then go back again at a later date to collect the ID again. I don't really want to face the cycle ride again and two trips would make it £4.60 on the bus which is quite a lot for just dropping off and picking up again.
My last frustration and maybe the biggest is church. I don't know what to do about it! It was ok on Sunday at Elim, but there's something I don't like about it and I can't put my finger on it. It's like the gut feeling I had about my boss last year. But I don't know where else to go.
How do you find a church?
Firstly, the cleaner is in the house. Usually I'm at a lecture (study day today) so I don't hear her or even see her, but today I can hear her and don't want to leave my room til she's gone! Our house isn't in an awful state. It could just be cleaner. We have no consistency in our cleanliness, sometimes it's really clean (particularly if it's a housemates 'time of the month') and sometimes there is ice cream stuck hard on the surfaces and lots of pots.
At the moment it sounds like the cleaner is sawing something in our kitchen. I just hate having someone in the house that isn't one of us or one of our friends. Makes me feel so uncomfortable. A number of times I've stopped and talked to her, but I don't like her cleaning up my mess.
Another frustration is my Spring Harvest application form being lost in the post. Maybe it's not right for me to help at it, but it would have been nice. Jolly postal system. Not so worried about my CRB results form being in it any more as I'm having another one done for my new job. It throws my plans for Easter in the air, so I'm unclear as to how long to go home for now. Who knows, maybe they'll get the form in the next few days....
A third frustration is the 3mile distance from my house to the offices of my new job. When I'm working it won't be at the offices so it won't matter so much, but I've got to go and take some ID for my CRB form, and then go back again at a later date to collect the ID again. I don't really want to face the cycle ride again and two trips would make it £4.60 on the bus which is quite a lot for just dropping off and picking up again.
My last frustration and maybe the biggest is church. I don't know what to do about it! It was ok on Sunday at Elim, but there's something I don't like about it and I can't put my finger on it. It's like the gut feeling I had about my boss last year. But I don't know where else to go.
How do you find a church?
Saturday, March 05, 2005
Playing Games
I've just finished reading a book called Counselling for Toads by Robert De Board. It's based on the characters from Wind in the Willows and follows the story if Toad being depressed and being encouraged by his friends Ratty, Mole and Badger to go for counselling with Heron. It then goes on to tell you how the sessions go and at the same time explains to the reader the theory of Transactional Analysis.
We were recommended to read it for our course as an easy way in to learning about TA and I have really enjoyed reading the book and watching Toad's development of his Emotional Intelligence.
One particular part of the book that interested me was the chapter on the psychological games we play. (There's a further book on this called 'Games People Play' by Eric Berne which i shall read next!) It's funny to think that underlying everything we're often playing little games with ourselves and each other without realising it. There's also another book by Berne called 'I'm ok, You're ok' which describes the different states of mind we can be in. There is 'I'm ok, you're ok', 'I'm not ok, you're ok', 'I'm ok, you're not ok' and 'I'm not ok, you're no ok.' Quite confusing but I think it makes sense.
*Someone in a 'I'm not ok, you're ok.' state might play the game of 'I'm So unlucky'. They believe that everything that goes wrong is down to somebody or something else and is down to luck. They forget the good things that have happened to them and just remember all the bad stuff.
*Someone in that state may also play 'PLOM' which is 'Poor Little Old Me' - which is basically having a pity party.
*There is also 'Love Me No Matter What I Do.' Someone playing that game will try to push things (as in how they act and treat people) as far as they can to see how far they can get before someone stops forgiving them or rejects them. Then they have the perfect (in their mind) excuse to say 'you don't love me really'.
These three games are very negative and the players often end up getting depressed and feeling low. The last game it talks about here is Suicide. Never looked at it as a game before.
Then there's the 'I'm ok, you're not ok' state. (e.g. someone who thinks they're better than others). The games played here are 'usually games where the player can be angry, or at least critical or judgemental.'
*NIGYYSOB - 'Now I've Got You, You Son of a Bitch'. I'll copy out of the book what it says for this one. 'This game is frequently played at work. First of all, someone makes a mistake. The boss notices it, calls in the erring subordinate and proceeds to give him or her a dressing down, shouting and raving at them out of all proportion to the offence committed. As you can see, this game allows the angry person to get angry, apparently justifiably. They have the proof that other people are essentially incompetent and unreliable, and second, that it is there duty to chastise and punish them. "Otherwise", they say, "they will think they can get away with it!"' This is where a lot of bullying at work comes from.
*'Why Do You Always Let Me Down?' is a game that allows the player to feel superior and the victim guilty and inferior.
*'How Dare You!' is another. 'These are the persecutors who use any opportunity to create situations where they can judge and punish others.'
*And lastly there's Murder. Although I'm not sure how much of that I'd call a game.
People in this position very rarely get depressed.
Interesting to see how the people in these two opposite states are affected by things. In the book it gives an example of a taxi being late. Someone in the 'I'm ok, you're not ok' would be likely to get angry with the taxi firm ranting and raving on the phone. Whereas someone in the 'I'm not ok, you're ok' state would be more likely to wonder why they're been forgotten, think that the firm must have got more important clients, or even blame themselves thinking they'd made a mistake.
I find this all very interesting and can't wait to find out more!
What do others think?
We were recommended to read it for our course as an easy way in to learning about TA and I have really enjoyed reading the book and watching Toad's development of his Emotional Intelligence.
One particular part of the book that interested me was the chapter on the psychological games we play. (There's a further book on this called 'Games People Play' by Eric Berne which i shall read next!) It's funny to think that underlying everything we're often playing little games with ourselves and each other without realising it. There's also another book by Berne called 'I'm ok, You're ok' which describes the different states of mind we can be in. There is 'I'm ok, you're ok', 'I'm not ok, you're ok', 'I'm ok, you're not ok' and 'I'm not ok, you're no ok.' Quite confusing but I think it makes sense.
*Someone in a 'I'm not ok, you're ok.' state might play the game of 'I'm So unlucky'. They believe that everything that goes wrong is down to somebody or something else and is down to luck. They forget the good things that have happened to them and just remember all the bad stuff.
*Someone in that state may also play 'PLOM' which is 'Poor Little Old Me' - which is basically having a pity party.
*There is also 'Love Me No Matter What I Do.' Someone playing that game will try to push things (as in how they act and treat people) as far as they can to see how far they can get before someone stops forgiving them or rejects them. Then they have the perfect (in their mind) excuse to say 'you don't love me really'.
These three games are very negative and the players often end up getting depressed and feeling low. The last game it talks about here is Suicide. Never looked at it as a game before.
Then there's the 'I'm ok, you're not ok' state. (e.g. someone who thinks they're better than others). The games played here are 'usually games where the player can be angry, or at least critical or judgemental.'
*NIGYYSOB - 'Now I've Got You, You Son of a Bitch'. I'll copy out of the book what it says for this one. 'This game is frequently played at work. First of all, someone makes a mistake. The boss notices it, calls in the erring subordinate and proceeds to give him or her a dressing down, shouting and raving at them out of all proportion to the offence committed. As you can see, this game allows the angry person to get angry, apparently justifiably. They have the proof that other people are essentially incompetent and unreliable, and second, that it is there duty to chastise and punish them. "Otherwise", they say, "they will think they can get away with it!"' This is where a lot of bullying at work comes from.
*'Why Do You Always Let Me Down?' is a game that allows the player to feel superior and the victim guilty and inferior.
*'How Dare You!' is another. 'These are the persecutors who use any opportunity to create situations where they can judge and punish others.'
*And lastly there's Murder. Although I'm not sure how much of that I'd call a game.
People in this position very rarely get depressed.
Interesting to see how the people in these two opposite states are affected by things. In the book it gives an example of a taxi being late. Someone in the 'I'm ok, you're not ok' would be likely to get angry with the taxi firm ranting and raving on the phone. Whereas someone in the 'I'm not ok, you're ok' state would be more likely to wonder why they're been forgotten, think that the firm must have got more important clients, or even blame themselves thinking they'd made a mistake.
I find this all very interesting and can't wait to find out more!
What do others think?
Thursday, March 03, 2005
Cold Calling
Never never ever again!
This evening I worked for 4 hours from 5-9 for the job agency I'm imployed by. Their client was a market research agency who wanted us to cold call people from the phonebook in a certain town in the UK to do research on a housing company which has recently taken over the council properties. The company is looking to provide new services such as building maintanence and leisure facilities and various other things to both people who own or rent privately and who have council houses.
We had to say that the questionaire took 10 mins when in reality it was more like 20-30. It was very repetitive and boring to both read and fill in. A lot of the questions were hard for me to fill in let alone the people I was reading it to.
I'm sure you're realising by now that I didn't enjoy this experience!
Most people were polite and just said no thank you. One guy replied to my, 'I'm working for a market research agency' - 'oh you poor thing, what a shame' and slammed the phone down.
Unfortunately we were being paid £3.50 per survey, and although I managed to get through the whole side of a sheet from the phonebook, I only completed 3 surveys - that means I get less than minimal wage. Of the four of us, two did 6 surveys, one 4 and then me. To be honest I think it's the luck of the draw. We all had random lists, said exactly the same things in pretty much the same tone of voice.
All three of mine got fed up part way through. I felt sorry for the first old lady and hope that I haven't killed her off. She wasn't feeling well by the end of it and couldn't manage to finish it. Oops.
Never ever am I doing that again.
This evening I worked for 4 hours from 5-9 for the job agency I'm imployed by. Their client was a market research agency who wanted us to cold call people from the phonebook in a certain town in the UK to do research on a housing company which has recently taken over the council properties. The company is looking to provide new services such as building maintanence and leisure facilities and various other things to both people who own or rent privately and who have council houses.
We had to say that the questionaire took 10 mins when in reality it was more like 20-30. It was very repetitive and boring to both read and fill in. A lot of the questions were hard for me to fill in let alone the people I was reading it to.
I'm sure you're realising by now that I didn't enjoy this experience!
Most people were polite and just said no thank you. One guy replied to my, 'I'm working for a market research agency' - 'oh you poor thing, what a shame' and slammed the phone down.
Unfortunately we were being paid £3.50 per survey, and although I managed to get through the whole side of a sheet from the phonebook, I only completed 3 surveys - that means I get less than minimal wage. Of the four of us, two did 6 surveys, one 4 and then me. To be honest I think it's the luck of the draw. We all had random lists, said exactly the same things in pretty much the same tone of voice.
All three of mine got fed up part way through. I felt sorry for the first old lady and hope that I haven't killed her off. She wasn't feeling well by the end of it and couldn't manage to finish it. Oops.
Never ever am I doing that again.
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