Split

I'm finding it really hard living in two places.

There are times when I think, well it's only another year and a half I'll manage, and other times when I think it would be easier to stop uni and do something else.

It took me about a week to settle back into Norwich. Then having to deal with housemates and bills yesterday completely knocked me back again. It's a really odd feeling that's hard to descibe, but leaves me feeling so unsettled and restless. I like things to be sorted and I like to know what I'm doing.

Going back to uni is usually a quicker processes, although I'm a little uncertain about Jan. I think I'm going to go back on the 11th (in time for church) cuz Keith and NYFC people are all going to their conference, and everyone else will be back at school/work. I've got to be back for the 16th to work (one/two nights a week) but I don't have lectures again until the 30th. So it will be dead time with no reading list to prepare for semester two and I think that'll leave me feeling a little lost and uncomfortable.

So yeah, I'm not sure what to do. Tips/suggestions gratefully welcomed. Both for how to stop feeling so unsettled at home and back at uni.

I also find friendships hard as I feel like they're all only half hearted (sorry peeps). As I'm in two places, I only see people half the time and therefore feel like I don't have the close friends that I would like - or am not as close to my friends as I would like. So at times I feel very left out and alone. Not entirely sure how to remedy that either.

Most of the time I feel like I'm surviving, not living life to the full. That makes me sad, but I'm not quite sure what to do.

I thought I might do some voluntary work in York for two weeks in Jan, haven't got a clue what or where to look though!

I would say sorry to ramble, but I'm not ;-)

Thoughts v.v.v.v.welcome

It is finished

Whoooooo

No more essays until the 30th Jan!!!!!!!!

Praise the Lord that I finished them all!

I am also now home which is nice. Although I miss my computer.... :'( Although actually, I have my hard drive here with me! lol

In other news, the Reality Ball was amazing! I liked the setting up and clearing away best - but then I'm just strange ;) 135 young people crowded out Holy Trinity - and were all beautifully dressed. I need another excuse to wear my dress now

I am also no longer part of the Reality Core Team :( But that kinda makes sense since I'm only in Norwich half the time! Will be back by the end of May tho - so I shall find a new job then and in the mean time be prayer support and encouragement :D

Almost completed Christmas shopping in one day thanks to my Nectar vouchers :D Thank you TalkTalk for giving me 12,000 bonus points :D

I am very tired.

Our God is an Awesome God

Our God is an Awesome God
He reigns, from heaven above
With wisdom, power and love
Our God is an Awesome God

Lord, even when we can't understand why things happen, thank you that you are still in control. Lord even when we can't see what's going to happen next or know what your plan is, thank you for still loving us and being with us.
Lord as humans, most of us hate change. Help us to deal with it and to keep trusting in you. Help us not to give up when things don't seem to be going the way we thought they would, and seek you in all we do.
Help us to move on in your name and keep glorifying you.

21st Celebration

I have provisionally booked for my 21st Birthday Celebration!

It will be on the 28th Jan at 7.30/8ish and all those who know me are very welcome.

I shall try and send out some invites at some point.

If you wish to know where it is before you get an invite just send me an email ;) I don't really want to post it on here!

Please come if you can make it. It's in a place that is a cafe by day so it will be very chilled and informal - space to hang, chat, catch up with people.

Looking forward to seeing you!

Secondly, but certainly not least, just a reminder that I shall be getting Baptised the following morning at NCBC, Duke Street at 10.45 - you must definitely come to that!

Cheers

Send Tony Blair a Card

OOoooooo.... I've just noticed - the Make Poverty History banner on my site has changed and become all Christmassy offering us the chance to send Mr Blair a Christmas card to encourage him to Make Poverty History as his new year's resolution.

Clever

Presentations - thank you

It's over!!!!

Two presentations and an essay due in today.

Thank you everyone for praying for me today and thank you Paul C for being a stuck record in my head way back from times at Fridays saying 'You can do it mate' and 'Well done mate' cuz other than relying on the big guy - it's your voice I hear encouraging me and believing in me - so thank you.

They did not go without hitchs. Big ones. But hey.

(4 more to go for next week......)

The Beatitudes - The Message Version

This doesn't really count as me doing Bible study as my friend pointed it out to me, but we just loved the way The Message phrased The Beatitudes as we were really able to relate to them.

Matt 5:3-12
³ "You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.

⁴"You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.

⁵"You're blessed when you're content with just who you are--no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought.

⁶"You're blessed when you've worked up a good appetite for God. He's food and drink in the best meal you'll ever eat.

⁷"You're blessed when you care. At the moment of being "carefull,' you find yourselves cared for.

⁸"You're blessed when you get your inside world--your mind and heart--put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.

⁹"You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That's when you discover who you really are, and your place in God's family.

¹⁰"You're blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God's kingdom.

¹¹"Not only that--count yourselves blessed every time people put you down or throw you out or speak lies about you to discredit me. What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and they are uncomfortable. ¹²You can be glad when that happens--give a cheer, even!-for though they don't like it, I do! And all heaven applauds. And know that you are in good company. My prophets and witnesses have always gotten into this kind of trouble.

They just make so much sense for today. It's difficult to remember it in everyday life, but it's nice to be reminded...

Reasons - moving to action

I've been looking a little at the theory of Solution-focused therapy. In short - focusing on solutions and using problem-free talk as opposed to just talking about your problems and searching for a reason. We can search for reasons forever and when (if?!) we find them, does that actually help us move on? Solution-focused therapy works on making the changes you want to make and moving you forward while you're looking for the reasons rather than waiting for them.

I don't know what I think about that.

I have discovered this week that my tendency to be a perfectionist relates to more of my life than I thought. I've been reading the Gale Dictionary of Psychology for an essay and it said a number of things that I relate to. I struggle to make decisions - this is because I fear making the wrong and not perfect decision so it's easier to make no decision. It takes me forever to do my uni work - "Due to their exacting precision, they take an excessive amount of time to perform tasks. Even small tasks become overwhelming, which leads to frustration, procrastination, and further anxiety caused by time constraints"

"Perfectionists also pay selective attention to their own achievements, criticizing themselves for mistakes or failures, and downplaying their successes. Overwhelmed by anxiety about their future performance, they are unable to enjoy successes."

It says that perfectionists can have memory loss or 'blank' before perfomances, it says that it causes headaches and depression. It can be an obstacle to reaching a goal.

So that's all very interesting - but how does that knowledge help me?

Outreach/Church

I guess the questions is what is church for.

But specifically, I'm confused.

I go to a small church that's recently been planted in York. There are 9 people in it plus three children. Currently we meet on just Wednesdays.

This Sunday the couple that lead the church have invited us for dinner as a church social. I asked if I could bring my housemate and they said no. We're having a social for bringing non-Christian friends next Saturday. I explained that my housemate works on Saturdays so would be unable to come. They know that I've had some really good conversations with her recently, but still they say no.

So now I'm confused.

They say that as a church it's important for us to socialise together in a non 'church' setting. Fair enough - great, but why can't I bring my housemate?

I thought that it was of top priority to help people see and meet with Jesus? On my gap year, every event the church did had to have an element of outreach in it. Everything was accessible to non-Christians. So why are they saying no? It doesn't make sense to me.

So if I go out for lunch, housemate asks where I'm going, I tell her, she asks to come, and I say no sorry your not part of the church - how's that good? Or am I missing something?