Split

I'm finding it really hard living in two places.

There are times when I think, well it's only another year and a half I'll manage, and other times when I think it would be easier to stop uni and do something else.

It took me about a week to settle back into Norwich. Then having to deal with housemates and bills yesterday completely knocked me back again. It's a really odd feeling that's hard to descibe, but leaves me feeling so unsettled and restless. I like things to be sorted and I like to know what I'm doing.

Going back to uni is usually a quicker processes, although I'm a little uncertain about Jan. I think I'm going to go back on the 11th (in time for church) cuz Keith and NYFC people are all going to their conference, and everyone else will be back at school/work. I've got to be back for the 16th to work (one/two nights a week) but I don't have lectures again until the 30th. So it will be dead time with no reading list to prepare for semester two and I think that'll leave me feeling a little lost and uncomfortable.

So yeah, I'm not sure what to do. Tips/suggestions gratefully welcomed. Both for how to stop feeling so unsettled at home and back at uni.

I also find friendships hard as I feel like they're all only half hearted (sorry peeps). As I'm in two places, I only see people half the time and therefore feel like I don't have the close friends that I would like - or am not as close to my friends as I would like. So at times I feel very left out and alone. Not entirely sure how to remedy that either.

Most of the time I feel like I'm surviving, not living life to the full. That makes me sad, but I'm not quite sure what to do.

I thought I might do some voluntary work in York for two weeks in Jan, haven't got a clue what or where to look though!

I would say sorry to ramble, but I'm not ;-)

Thoughts v.v.v.v.welcome

It is finished

Whoooooo

No more essays until the 30th Jan!!!!!!!!

Praise the Lord that I finished them all!

I am also now home which is nice. Although I miss my computer.... :'( Although actually, I have my hard drive here with me! lol

In other news, the Reality Ball was amazing! I liked the setting up and clearing away best - but then I'm just strange ;) 135 young people crowded out Holy Trinity - and were all beautifully dressed. I need another excuse to wear my dress now

I am also no longer part of the Reality Core Team :( But that kinda makes sense since I'm only in Norwich half the time! Will be back by the end of May tho - so I shall find a new job then and in the mean time be prayer support and encouragement :D

Almost completed Christmas shopping in one day thanks to my Nectar vouchers :D Thank you TalkTalk for giving me 12,000 bonus points :D

I am very tired.

Our God is an Awesome God

Our God is an Awesome God
He reigns, from heaven above
With wisdom, power and love
Our God is an Awesome God

Lord, even when we can't understand why things happen, thank you that you are still in control. Lord even when we can't see what's going to happen next or know what your plan is, thank you for still loving us and being with us.
Lord as humans, most of us hate change. Help us to deal with it and to keep trusting in you. Help us not to give up when things don't seem to be going the way we thought they would, and seek you in all we do.
Help us to move on in your name and keep glorifying you.

21st Celebration

I have provisionally booked for my 21st Birthday Celebration!

It will be on the 28th Jan at 7.30/8ish and all those who know me are very welcome.

I shall try and send out some invites at some point.

If you wish to know where it is before you get an invite just send me an email ;) I don't really want to post it on here!

Please come if you can make it. It's in a place that is a cafe by day so it will be very chilled and informal - space to hang, chat, catch up with people.

Looking forward to seeing you!

Secondly, but certainly not least, just a reminder that I shall be getting Baptised the following morning at NCBC, Duke Street at 10.45 - you must definitely come to that!

Cheers

Send Tony Blair a Card

OOoooooo.... I've just noticed - the Make Poverty History banner on my site has changed and become all Christmassy offering us the chance to send Mr Blair a Christmas card to encourage him to Make Poverty History as his new year's resolution.

Clever

Presentations - thank you

It's over!!!!

Two presentations and an essay due in today.

Thank you everyone for praying for me today and thank you Paul C for being a stuck record in my head way back from times at Fridays saying 'You can do it mate' and 'Well done mate' cuz other than relying on the big guy - it's your voice I hear encouraging me and believing in me - so thank you.

They did not go without hitchs. Big ones. But hey.

(4 more to go for next week......)

The Beatitudes - The Message Version

This doesn't really count as me doing Bible study as my friend pointed it out to me, but we just loved the way The Message phrased The Beatitudes as we were really able to relate to them.

Matt 5:3-12
³ "You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.

⁴"You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.

⁵"You're blessed when you're content with just who you are--no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought.

⁶"You're blessed when you've worked up a good appetite for God. He's food and drink in the best meal you'll ever eat.

⁷"You're blessed when you care. At the moment of being "carefull,' you find yourselves cared for.

⁸"You're blessed when you get your inside world--your mind and heart--put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.

⁹"You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That's when you discover who you really are, and your place in God's family.

¹⁰"You're blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God's kingdom.

¹¹"Not only that--count yourselves blessed every time people put you down or throw you out or speak lies about you to discredit me. What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and they are uncomfortable. ¹²You can be glad when that happens--give a cheer, even!-for though they don't like it, I do! And all heaven applauds. And know that you are in good company. My prophets and witnesses have always gotten into this kind of trouble.

They just make so much sense for today. It's difficult to remember it in everyday life, but it's nice to be reminded...

Reasons - moving to action

I've been looking a little at the theory of Solution-focused therapy. In short - focusing on solutions and using problem-free talk as opposed to just talking about your problems and searching for a reason. We can search for reasons forever and when (if?!) we find them, does that actually help us move on? Solution-focused therapy works on making the changes you want to make and moving you forward while you're looking for the reasons rather than waiting for them.

I don't know what I think about that.

I have discovered this week that my tendency to be a perfectionist relates to more of my life than I thought. I've been reading the Gale Dictionary of Psychology for an essay and it said a number of things that I relate to. I struggle to make decisions - this is because I fear making the wrong and not perfect decision so it's easier to make no decision. It takes me forever to do my uni work - "Due to their exacting precision, they take an excessive amount of time to perform tasks. Even small tasks become overwhelming, which leads to frustration, procrastination, and further anxiety caused by time constraints"

"Perfectionists also pay selective attention to their own achievements, criticizing themselves for mistakes or failures, and downplaying their successes. Overwhelmed by anxiety about their future performance, they are unable to enjoy successes."

It says that perfectionists can have memory loss or 'blank' before perfomances, it says that it causes headaches and depression. It can be an obstacle to reaching a goal.

So that's all very interesting - but how does that knowledge help me?

Outreach/Church

I guess the questions is what is church for.

But specifically, I'm confused.

I go to a small church that's recently been planted in York. There are 9 people in it plus three children. Currently we meet on just Wednesdays.

This Sunday the couple that lead the church have invited us for dinner as a church social. I asked if I could bring my housemate and they said no. We're having a social for bringing non-Christian friends next Saturday. I explained that my housemate works on Saturdays so would be unable to come. They know that I've had some really good conversations with her recently, but still they say no.

So now I'm confused.

They say that as a church it's important for us to socialise together in a non 'church' setting. Fair enough - great, but why can't I bring my housemate?

I thought that it was of top priority to help people see and meet with Jesus? On my gap year, every event the church did had to have an element of outreach in it. Everything was accessible to non-Christians. So why are they saying no? It doesn't make sense to me.

So if I go out for lunch, housemate asks where I'm going, I tell her, she asks to come, and I say no sorry your not part of the church - how's that good? Or am I missing something?

Ha ha

Jess discovered today that Mike Pilivachi is in the dictionary:

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Mike+Pilavachi

Mike Pilivachi
Coolest of cool, Mike Pilavachi is a popular Christian evangelist seen generally in Soul Survivor wearing the coolest Nigerian kaftans a man can buy.Mike Pilavachi's faith inspires so many, it makes one jump for joy!
Source: Stephen W. Thomas, West Sussex, May 28, 2005

How entertaining. I typed my own name in, but it wasn't there - Helen is though: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Helen

I've looked up some fellow bloggers too

Keith was funny:
Keith

Keith is a female name, derived from the french word "fairy", meaning 'small winged legendary being' or 'male homosexual'.

Source: Jnen., Jan 6, 2005

It also said that he was good with computers - so not true!

Bouttell was undefined :(

Louise Wood was majorly rude

There were some lovely ones for Laura:
Laura

a brilliant person who is good at everything she wants to be good at, but as a kind person, she will step down to let another have the spotlight

Source: zebedah, Jan 1, 2005

Tuma is a little too rude to put on here - sorry Mark, but Grace was lovely
Grace
Beauty, sunrises, singing birds, blossoming flowers. All those things that remind us why life is worth living.
Heaven on earth. A star to light your life.
Source: JonGraceLover, Heaven, Aug 5, 2005

I was also entertained to discover that 'Cracknell is a disease:

Cracknell
A disease contracted by youths which turns them into highly mischevious pranksters.

Poor kid. . . He's got Cracknell's

Source: Joe D, Jul 2, 2003

Bible Reading

I'm really struggling to read my Bible at the moment.

Two big reasons 1.) I've just got out of the habit and 2.) My essays (and playing solitaire endlessly) seem to take up so much of my time.

Therefore, at Mark T's suggestion I'm going to read my Bible and post my findings on here.

I would like you all to bug me if I don't post anything.

My aim is to post something at least once a week - ideally I'd like to post something every other day - and I might manage that to begin with while I'm excited about it - but it may tail off.

So yeah, please please bug me. This is important.

I want to rebuild my neglected relationship with the Big Guy.

Woahhhh!

Massive conversation with her today!!! Massive, massive, massive!

God is amazing

*speechless*

P.S.

p.s. to the last post - it works.

I told the devil to go away in Jesus name and that he wasn't welcome in my housemate's heart and she's just come in and we've discussed sex and Christianity, and she explained how she's learnt about Christianity - in the forum of Catholics, Anglicans and Jehovah's Witnesses at school. She was inquisitive and interested.

there is power in prayer and Jesus' name...

Fresh Look

Isn't in interesting how being given a tiny nuget of information can help you see many things in a different way.

Last weekend I went on the Christian Union weekend and the speaker was talking about how our non-Christian friends hearts are often hardened to the truth, and that no matter how much we argue with them about God, they won't see His love because the devil has shut them off from it. It's only when we pray for the Holy Spirit to come in and minister to them, that their hearts can be opened.
He compared it to an egg inside a mother. No matter how much we talk to that egg and try and pursuade it to come alive, it won't. It takes the seed from the father to come in, to bring it life.

So our friends our spiritually dead. We need to ask the Holy Spirit to come in and make them alive.

So yeah, I've just listened to Tim Hughes' 'You' and bits of it stood out to me that relate to this that I hadn't heard in that way before:

"Love can melt the hardest heart
Your words can bring the dead to life
Nothing is impossible for You"

So I'd better get praying!

Good Shopping

Basically, York sucks when it comes to shopping.

Yes it's a lovely place, and has great historical places of interest and has lovely little quaint shopping streets, but...

I'm a student!

I have little money.

Therefore York is pants because it is all touristified (new word from me - please add to your dictionaries) and expensive.

Annoying piece of information I discovered this week - Primark has bought all of the Littlewooods stores. Wonderful, York had a Littlewoods store and Primark is great for a student budget.

But ooooh no. Primark has sold the York store to New Look because it's not big enough. We've already got two New Looks!!!!!!

What is going on in York?!

It's already taken them two years to build H & M and they haven't finished yet! I'm going (gone) mad!

Assignments

Why oh why oh why do I have 9 more assignments (ranging from 1500-2500 words) to finish before the end of this semester?!!!

I know they're not massive, but they're not small either, and the amount of research that needs to be done for each one is crazy.

See ya later Maurice!

I just wanted to spare a moment for Maurice today as he died at about 7.45 this morning.

I have known him for as long as I can remember and have many happy memories of him. He was always a cheerful and loving face to see at church and visit.

So yeah, looking forward to seeing ya later mate.

Emergent Versions of songs

Nicked this off a post on the NYFC forum. Apparently it's for those of us who are emergent.

Shout to the Lord (Angry) Original
(Lyrics: Marcus Curnow 2005)

Why Jesus? Why favour
Those who do not like you?
All of my years I cry bitter tears
I wonder where’s your mighty love?

No comfort, No shelter
Where is the refuge and strength?
Let every breath, all that I am
Never cease to question You

Shout to/(at) the Lord
All the Earth, let us bring
Powerlessness, tragedy
Rail at the King
Mountains fall down
And the seas will roar
Hear the sound of the pain

I long to see the work
Of your hand
Forever I’ll seek you
Seek to understand
Nothing to hold
But the promise I have
In you


I really like it. I often change the words of songs I sing if they're not quite what I need to sing at that particular moment. I made a suggestion once that we should have songs with the same tunes etc, but different lyrics, and at church you sing both together depending on which one you want to sing, depending on where you are with God.

Would probably sound awful!

Helen needs...

Saw this on Heather Cracknell's blog...

Basically you type in your name followed by 'needs' into google and see what comes up.
They're really odd but funny too!

Helen needs a bigger apartment
Helen needs a bassist
Helen needs to be cool and sassy
Helen needs to be an inside dog, with a family that will allow her to jump oncouches, sleep in the bed and be basically underfoot all day
Helen needs to call forhelp to break up a party
Helen needs to do some growing up herself
Helen needs effervescent refreshments
Helen needs the new owner at 325 Crestwood Terrace to shut up a minute
Helen needs to forget all that has happened in the past ten years
Helen needs your Help
Helen needs to be real
Helen needs it
Helen needs a cookie
Helen needs help, and friends,and so decides to take the plunge and join the local Garden Club
Helen needs a nursing home now?
Helen needs to take a nap

Baptism

Well it's a definte!

I am getting Baptised at the morning service on the 29th January 2006 at Norwich Central Baptist Church.

You are all so very welcome!