Why is trusting God so hard?
In about a weeks time I shall be back in Norwich, but I have very little plans for while I am there.
Some may think that's a great thing as I can just relax and enjoy myself, if I was a 'good' girl I could even use the time to get closer to God.
But I want to do something. I want to make the most of the time. I want to give my time and skills at the same time as learning more, developing and growing spiritually and in all things. I'd love to develop my listening/counselling skills as I need as much practice as possible to gain some confidence!
So far though, I have found very little.
Naturally I will be helping with Reality and I'm also planning to go to Momentum with some friends from uni. Hopefully I can help lead worship at church, and Paul has asked me to assist in youth church. But what else can I do?
I'm daily asking God to show me how he wants me to use my time, and telling him that with his help I'm up for anything he wants, but it's hard to trust isn't it. Hard to trust that he does have a plan even when I don't know what. What if I get to the end of the summer and still haven't done anything. Have I done what he wanted?
This then spreads to the rest of life. This is probably my last 'free' summer. This time next year I will have finished uni. Yes there are options of further study, but even then, where would I study? Would I come home? Stay here? Go somewhere else? If I get a job, where would it be? What on earth would it be?! I feel like I have no clue as to what I want to do, let alone what God wants. I know it's ok to not know. I know I've got to trust God, but I can't help but worry.
I soooo want to do what God wants because I know that what he plans is better than my own desires or will. But at the same time, I don't want my life or time to go to waste, and it's hard to trust that it won't.
15 comments:
Nothing is wasted. If you've asked God and there's no clear answer then he wants you to do what you want to do. And may I suggest that the taking time out and not doing developmental things may well see the biggest growth in you? University is about growth, the activities that you['ve already planned for the summer are about your growth. You need some "down time". Your emotional being is similarly hooked up as your physical being so if you train/work out your body, you need periods of rest. The same is true for the rest of you.
I would make a list of all the things you would do if you had the time/money.
1. Play the piano
2. Go to the beach
3. Catch up with Helen
4. Look round the cathedral
5. Do sketches by the river side
6. Plant a tree
7. Make a scrap book on Aztecs/eygptians/space/ladybirds
8. Invite friends round for a BBQ
9. Scrapbook your photos
If you wanted to do something at the end of term, could you volunteer at your junior school or CNS? Helping in the classroom could give you opportunities to talk to some children about problems they are having.
Sometimes we fill our lives up so much that we have no idea what the important things are that we should be doing. I think the suggestion of going to the beach with beers (or in your case fruit/music/art materials) that was suggested a few weeks ago was the most sensible idea of all. If you don't have that time and space, how can you sort out what is important and what is not?
hmmm.... true.
But I feel guilty resting when there's so many people in need of help
... similarly, you don't want to work until the point where you need help yourself (in terms of a holiday break etc).
You know what mate ..there are loads of "right" things I could say to you now ... but i pretty much recon you know them all and in the end the daily going back to God with the honesty of how you feel about it all and asking him to help you trust more and walk his path for your life is blatently the way forward and I know you're doing it... but actually i dont want to say all the 'right' things I just want to agree with you ... It is hard! Its very hard... being at a very similar place in life with a very similar thoguht process and struggle with life at the moment ... I agree its very very hard ...im looking forward to looking back later and seeing how God has blatently worked through everything and been the unchanging trustworthy amazing I AM God that he is! (even thoguh sometimes its so hard to be sure that thats whats going to happen) ... yep i deffinatly understand where you're coming from on this one! :o)
what wonderful friends you have and what sensible things they say!!
they are and they do, although I'm not much clearer :( But I think that's more to do with me than them!
I think one of the sad things about life is that we always want to be doing stuff and rarely give ourselves time to just be.
Especially in view of the fact that this is your last free summer (and once you begin working/whatever it'll be very difficult to have a good break), maybe the lack of stuff to do is God saying to just be. Have fun with your last free summer. Maybe things to do will come along at the last minute, but just enjoy the space God is giving you at the moment. (Alternatively, amybe he's giving you some freedom to make up your own mind? Life doesn't always present itself to us on a plate!)
Anyway, looking forward to catching up with you when you're back! Loadsa love x
Helen Be content to Be. In the Here & NOW. Still that "Chatterbox" Mind. Give your "Room full of Monkeys" bannanas & allow them to sit quietly in a corner, allowing you to TRUST & be fully in the present the "Here & Now" Silence & stillness & valable. Use this time to "Chill2. Have Fun & Be YOUNG!!
Ever thought about helping at a beach mission or young people's camp, Scripture Union, CPAS, Crusaders or the like?. They nearly always want help at the Keswick Convention too, if you are interested I will get you plenty of information they are usually desperate to find young enthusiastic christians to help.
Love and prayers
I've just looked up the Keswick Conventon web site ther is loads of info you might be interested in Helen
what about volunteering at a hospital - that would be different!
Chill Helen Chill!!
Aweb site you might be interesred in regarding what to do in the summer hols:www.ventures-omline.com
Sorry about the bad spelling it should of course be www.ventures-online.com
and for one of your not so wise friends to give you some not so wise advice that sint even her own...(to quote baz lurman)
Dont feel guilty if you dont know what to do with you life. the most interesting people i know didnt know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds stil dont.
Maybe youll marry maybe youwont, maybe youll have children, maybe you wont, maybe youll divorce at 40, maybe youll sance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary, whatever you so dont berate yourself, your choices are half chance...
(ok so the first bit is semi sensible)
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