Lost

Feeling a little lost today.

In class we were doing role play which has been fine so far, but today I just couldn't do it. I was overcome with nerves and completely self conscious. I struggled to fight through it. It felt like I'd taken some steps back, or was it the concern that the happy 'I can do anything Helen' face that I put on was just that. A face. A mask that I've been hiding behind, or can I really be that Helen?

I also feel a bit lost because I haven't seen my closest friend at uni properly for the last few weeks. I haven't had a big heart to heart with anyone about how things are going.

Also lost due to church. I'm increasingly realising that where I was, was not for me. I was kidding myself. I've learnt more from Hotel Rwanda and reading my friend Carl's blog than I have from church since I started uni. I know all about the don't just complain - do something about it, but that church was so big, it would take me the 3 years of uni to get far enough in for my ideas to be listened to.
Problem is I haven't found another church. I'd like a church that is concerned with community around it, that is committed to giving fair trade a go, that is in touch with today, that takes an active part in ministry both her here and abroad. A church I could bring my friends to.

Gonna try out The Rock on Sunday http://www.rockchurch.org.uk/ have heard mostly negative reports about it being like a performance, so am gonna check it out for myself.

Best thing about today was finding my wallet and discovering a 7 pack of salt and vinegar hula hoops at ASDA. Usually you can only get mixed packs which is pointless for the likes of me who don't like all the flavours. I was literally skipping round the store :D